Why Congruency Matters


“Being transparent, authentic and open is not fool hearty social behavior, but the only safe way to success.   “ Martha Beck on Tao

To be a superstar at anything, it is all in the aligning of the stars…well that is partly right.

As we have been on this journey to live small, the remodeling of our lives continues to evolve. The kids are growing up just as if they would have, but their parents are growing up too.

I had a conversation with a man while waiting for the kids to get their haircuts. He commented on how well the boys got along, and how patient they were with the long wait. He was a long time resident of the area, and was talking about the changes, but what was interesting is how he talked about it.

He was drawing from a background in management I guessed. I asked if he worked in a capacity as a planner or a project manager, and he said well yes with a slight question mark at the end. “ I open stores for (insert big box store here). I am in charge of planning, opening, and overall making sure everything happens as planned and that we have proper contingencies.”

He said he never thought about that until I mentioned it. He did that in his personal life as well. He is the family project manager. He remarked that he met many people that did not carry over their professional strengths to their personal life.

You know what he meant. The polished professional, whose house, finances, life, is a mess, but who look like a million bucks and make their numbers. The test comes when things goes wrong, which is where the preparation and congruence of our lives start to show.

Michael Port, once wrote about public speaking that you fall to your greatest level of preparation when things get stressful. This is as true of public speaking, acting, and life. When life gets sticky, you will see with blinding clarity how well prepared you were.

I have experienced both sides of this lovely lesson, and believe me when I say I prefer to live a life of preparedness than not.

I am going into a busy month with projects, and spent some time this weekend getting together my game plan. My planning for the family is now the same as my professional life. It is all based on outcomes. It was not always this way, and the proof was in the pudding. I always made my deadlines, but my house would be a mess or I would be a ball of stress.

One major change is contingency plans. I have back up plans, for my back up plans, but more importantly I have plans that work for our family. This is the lesson of congruence. If you begin to change what you will accept in your life, those things that enhance your life will come to you more easily. Martha Beck calls this the only safe way to success.

In this new world of transparency, we all have an opportunity to walk our talk, and we have a responsibility to ourselves and our families to do just that. It is not about conforming or being someone you are not. It is about the true authentic you, improving everyday, and loving all the craziness that makes you you.

I was able to spend some time with my brother and his family this weekend, as they were in town for one of the many graduation ceremonies. Watching his twin 13 year old girls, play with my sons was wonderful. Having a few moments to spend with my brother and his wife was the icing on the cake. It took me back to when we were kids and how much I miss seeing that smile since we live so far from one another. His wife is the perfect match for him, and you can see it out loud.

Congruence is not about perfection. It is about your journey and if you are talking it like you walk it. It is not about airing dirty laundry, rather learning out loud so that others might find their walk by seeing yours.

Here’s to living out loud –



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